Type 1: The Perfectionist
with Type 2: The Giver

Definitions in type pairings

Shared attributes – strengths and hindrances: Both Perfectionists and Givers bring high standards of giving, energy for improving others, “knowing” what is best for others, and a sense of responsibility to the relationship. Both also suppress, or are out of touch with, their own wants and needs, and can get upset when situations do not go the way they expected.

Differing attributes – strengths and hindrances: Perfectionists provide qualities of determined industry, high integrity, steadfastness, consistency and self-reliance to the relationship. Perfectionists also can become judgmental, inflexible, tense and resentful, and may want to impose their own standards. Givers are oriented to relationships and feelings, and are often supportive, generous, flexible, expressive and focused on pleasure. They also can become intrusive, prideful and emotionally manipulative.

Synergies and challenges/conflicts: Perfectionists offer steadfastness, dependability and industry, while Givers offer emotion, optimism, attention to the relationship, and pizzazz – a good combination. The Perfectionist, however, can experience the Giver as being too tied to the relationship, and even dependent and unnecessarily helpful. The Giver’s good advice might be taken as criticism by the Perfectionist. The Giver, in turn, can feel unappreciated, judged as hedonistic and for giving too much, and taken for granted by the emotionally restrained Perfectionist. Then criticism and counter-criticism about what is wrong, who needs help, and who cares can escalate and cause estrangement, especially since neither type expresses desires and needs well (even though Givers can be on the hedonistic side).

Relationship development for Perfectionists with Givers:

• What to acknowledge about self. Disowned judgmental tendencies and under-acknowledgment of positives, suppression of pleasure and desire, and inflexibility
• What to appreciate in Givers. Helpfulness, attention to relationship, caring, exuberance and adaptability
• Key tasks for building and sustaining relationship. Show appreciation. Devote time to pleasure and relationship building. Express positive feelings.

Relationship development for Givers with Perfectionists:

• What to acknowledge about self. Difficulty in receiving and attending to own needs, over-connectedness (wanting attention and not seeing the healthy need for separate selves), and tendency to give too much advice and help
• What to appreciate in Perfectionists. Commitment to improvement, restraint and self-reliance, high inner standards and devotion to practical virtues
• Key tasks for building and sustaining relationship. Practice steadiness and consistency. Respect Perfectionist’s independence and separateness. Welcome suggestions for improvement.

Buy Helen’s book

Men in Relationship and Women in Relationship
Nine Points of View DVDs

Nine Paths to a Productive and Fulfilling Life
and the Enneagram in the Workplace