Type 9: The Mediator

As a Mediator, you believe that merging into others and/or seeking little comforts will compensate for the value and significance that you don’t believe can come from within. You forget your own inner agenda and replace this with substitutes. Your energy goes into merging with and accommodating others. This results in inertia or sloth (“laziness” toward yourself), which gets manifested through the instinctual subtype behaviors.

Self-preservation: Appetite

In the Self-preservation instinct, your inertia energy flows into appetites. You seek comfort through interests, daily rhythms, and little things, not realizing that the appetite or craving is a substitute for your true needs because it feels so compelling. These outer interests draw your energy or soothe you. They can feel vital, comforting, and even a temporary replacement for love. You like a practical structure and daily rhythm that supports your life. You get lost in chores or errands, or “veg out” in front of the TV. You become engrossed in your routines, reading, collections or hobbies. Having lost touch with the inner you, you reconnect through these substitutes, and your discomfort temporarily abates. At your worst, you become preoccupied (stubbornly involved) with a myriad of inessentials (small talk, ruminations about what to wear, all the errands, etc.), resulting in no time for the completion of your own priorities.

Social: Participation

In the social domain you join with a group and channel your sloth or inertia into comforting group and social activities. Through participation, you feel included and loved. You can totally forget your own agenda as you fill up with social interaction and activities. In leadership you can be quite selfless. You dispense and disperse your energy into timetables, procedures, roles and goals. You promote the welfare of the group or community through your selfless participation and ability to mediate. You can find a comfortable niche and sense of belonging. Moreover, participation and defined activities keep you from experiencing the inertia or sloth toward yourself. At your worst, you can get swallowed up in the minutia of group activities, and become preoccupied with fitting in. You don’t speak up when you know a better way, because it’s easier to go along to get along.

One-to-One: Union

In the one-to-one arena, you seek comfort through the special other. Your sloth or inertia manifests through absorbing the other into yourself – his/her point of view, agenda or feelings. You feel safe and whole in this union with your partner, with nature or with the divine. Your experience of being overlooked or disregarded evaporates as your identity merges into the other, nature or the divine. You are swept along feeling, “I gain belonging, importance and love through union.” At your worst, since there is a “you” inside, you can get lost in the other and then become quite resistive, passive-aggressive, and even counter-merging, all the while not being present to either yourself or the special other.

Instinctual subtype descriptions: