The Basic Proposition

You lost sight of the original state of a deep and complete connection to all others and all things, and came to believe instead that the world abandons you and that something important is missing. So you focus on searching for an ideal love or perfect circumstance to make you feel loved, whole and complete again. In this search for the most unique, special and fulfilling, you feel envy and a longing for what you idealize but is unavailable. Your attention naturally goes to what is missing.

The central issue for healing

Ironically, an outward search for the ultimate, ideal, deep heart connection, and complete fulfillment where nothing of substance is missing, serves only to perpetuate a Four’s dilemma. All your well-intentioned searching in the wrong place only creates more intense feelings of deficiency and longing.

A Romantic’s primary task, therefore, is to realize that wholeness and completeness come with acceptance and appreciation of what is here now, in the present moment – from the inside out, not from the outside in. Disappointments and deficiencies are part of the fabric of life, not an indication of deficiency of being.

Six healing and growth commitments for Romantics:

• Accept that wholeness and realness exist now in the present moment
• Practice self-appreciation based on what is present and not what is absent, on what is rather than what isn’t
• Resist domination by strong and fluctuating feelings while acknowledging their authenticity
• Sustain a steady course of action even in the presence of intense feelings
• Appreciate the ordinary instead of deeming it as boring
• Disconnect your self-esteem from the need to be special or extraordinary

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Key themes of all types: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

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Read more about key themes of the types in The Essential Enneagram by David Daniels, M.D.

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